The Book of Mormon

Yesterday the sun had come out and I had fallen asleep on the sofa.  I had been sleeping for maybe 1/2 hour when the doorbell woke me up.  I went to the side door thinking that it was a delivery/package.  Normally the delivery man rings the bell and then places the package right in front of the door so I can't even open the door.  No delivery man, delivery truck on the street or package at that door...and then the bell rang again.  Oh no, someone was at the front door and they were determined to speak to a live person.  Our family van was clearly in the driveway.  I found my trusty blue ski hat and went to the door.

There were two nicely dressed young men at my door.  I noticed right away that they were Mormons on their mission.  The lock on the glass door was caught so it took me awhile to get the actual door open.  I could tell they were amused that I wore a ski hat.  They asked me something that lead me to tell them we attended a church, but not the Mormon church.  They asked me if I knew about their church.  I told them YES!  When I taught for Omaha Public Schools I would take children to sing at the Mormon Trail Center every Christmas.  We would then stay and take the tour.  I told them that the message presented at the Mormon Trail Center is quite inspirational.  (If you ever have the opportunity to go to the Mormon Trail Center, especially at Christmas time, it is impressive.)

One of the young men had said that he had just come from Omaha.  He wanted to know where we lived in Omaha and why did we choose to come to Storm Lake?  We had a very uplifting conversation.  They asked me how I saw God working in my life.  I told them about my current battle with cancer and the love and support that I felt from my coworkers and neighbors.  I told them that I can see God working through many people in my life.  At the end of our conversation one of the young men handed me his Book of Mormon.  He said that he hoped I would find it inspirational.

I, in fact, found the visit from the two young men inspirational.  I feel that they were messengers from God, bringing hope and reaffirming my faith.  I must put my trust in God and take a leap of faith.  I may not be traveling across the rugged terrain in a covered wagon, but I have my own journey to endure. The men did not say this to me. They didn't need to say those words.  I could make my own connection.  I'm not Mormon and I don't plan to make a major religious change.  I don't really think it matters if you are Catholic, Mormon, Baptist, Lutheran, or ....  I think it matters more that you have a faith that is meaningful and positive.

I pray that we may all find hope and healing this Christmas and in the New Year.  I see many angels in my life.  I pray that you may see them too.

Prayers of hope and healing

I have been on my emergency steroid since Friday.  Sunday was the first day that I could make it through the day without breaking out in a rash.  Thankfully I can once again stand the feel of my clothing against my skin.
The weather isn't looking very good for Wednesday, so I hope that the doctor will be able to make it to Storm Lake on Thursday.

I woke up this morning with a horrible sinus headache. Now that I am sitting up and have been taking in lots of fluids, I'm feeling better.  (I'm sure the Tylenol is helping a little bit.)  The house feels very damp and cold, so it is difficult for me to "warm-up".  I finally had to turn on a space heater in the family room.

My coworkers have been extremely supportive during this difficult time.  Today I am saying a little prayer for  them.  I know that all educators and parents have heavy hearts right now.  Also, many of my coworkers have family members struggling with health issues.  I pray that we may all find hope and healing during this Christmas and in the New Year!

Ode to Benadryl

I went to Fareway yesterday and in the middle of the store I had a hot flash.  I just needed to get out of there.  It was a close call...I almost had to take my hat off.  Yikes!

After my adventure at Fareway I just couldn't deal with lunch.  Ryan took me to Hardees.  We ordered our food and I found a table.  I noticed that it needed cleaning, so I used one of my Clorox wipes.  After I wiped the table I noticed that the wipe was black where my hand had applied pressure to the wipe.  Wow!  The teacher in me wanted to just go around to all the tables and give them a good Clorox wipe down!  I then used a hand wipe to clean my hands.  There was a man sitting at the little island area in the middle of the resturant.  He had watched me wipe the table and then wipe my hands.  I presume that he thought I was a germ-a-phobe.  After seeing that Clorox wipe, I really am turning into a germ-a-phobe!

Last night at supper my Benadryl wore off.  Right before my eyes the rash on my wrists start to appear and  become raised.  I just can't let the Benadryl get out of my system.  This morning I called Storm Lake Oncology and started my "emergency" steroid.  We will see what happens on Thursday (my next chemo day).

Rocks in the coat

Yesterday afternoon the boys were climbing the walls, so to speak.  I bundled Ted up in his coat, hat, mittens, and tucked him into  his stroller with a thick quilt.  Will wanted to ride his bike, but the tires needed air and he was too tired.  We all walked down to the lake and Will threw sticks and rocks at the ice.  Will wanted to bring a few rocks home, so I told him that was fine.  I advised him to take them up to his room for safe keeping.  

Today I had an early lab and nurse evaluation.  I woke up with a rash, so the nurse said she really didn't know what they were going to do with me?! She was very concerned and kind.  (I've been taking Benadryl all day.  We will see what tomorrow brings.)  I should probably call them back tomorrow, not what I wanted to do at all.  (Place frustration emoticon here)

Anyway...I hadn't gotten Will a new winter coat this year.  I thought he could make it another winter, but the zipper had started pulling out.  I stitched the zipper back into the coat, but it was pulling out again.  While Ryan and I were in Sioux City today I found Will a new coat at Old Navy.  It was such a good deal that I probably would have purchased him a coat even if he didn't need it.  Ryan and I also got to enjoy a child free meal at the Olive Garden.  Maybe it was frivolous, but we needed it!  (Hey I have cancer AND I'm allergic to the chemo!)

So I went into the school this afternoon to pick Will up and something interesting happened.  I was talking to Will's teacher and Will chimed in about our walk to the lake.  He described the rocks he collected.  By the way mom can you cut the rocks out of the sleeve of my coat? (Apparently there is a hole in the sleeve of his old coat and while we were at the lake rocks got inside his coat.)  I didn't tell Will I got him a new coat.  I took his old coat down to the basement and hung his new coat up on his hook in the family room.  I can't wait for tomorrow morning when he discovers he has a new coat!

Will was computer helper today at special time.  This was an extremely important day for Will.  He was overjoyed last week when he told me it was his turn.  Will lives for technology.  (Oh yes, if any of you have been wondering about my Twitter account.  Will figured out how to tweet links from my phone.  Don't worry, it wasn't bad or inappropriate.  It is a little funny.  I hadn't had a tweet in 149 days.  Will is tweeting about his favorite web sites from my account.  I disabled that feature on my phone, so while I'm not myself ...Will can't suggest his favorite web sites! That is one savvy kid!) 

Big Thanks

I would like to thank my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandmother for the wonderful care package.  It really brightened my day on Saturday.

 I am also grateful for the soup/roll delivery this morning.  It made this cold Monday so much warmer!

I've finally gotten my appetite back, so I'm eating a party pizza.  The heart wants what the heart wants.

This morning when I went to make Will his sandwich for his lunch I pulled out the drawer to get a baggie.  I found a 1/2 eaten bagel in the drawer.  I told Will that the next time he didn't like something he should just throw it away.  I'm not sure what he thought would happen by putting the bagel in the drawer.

Weight off my shoulders/prayers please

My doctor just called me at 7:00 p.m. on a Friday night.  While he was on the phone with me he was looking up studies to figure out what what will be the best course of treatment to round out my chemo.  We came to the conclusion that Cytoxin and then Estrogen suppression drugs will be the best course for my type of cancer.  He said the risks of the other chemo drug far out weigh the benefits.  I am so thankful that my doctor cares enough about his patients to call at 7:00 p.m. on a Friday night to talk about treatment options!
I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

A family donated fruit baskets to the oncology patients.  Thank you to the family for their donation.  I had a pear out of the fruit basket today and it was just what I needed!

Please continue to pray for wisdom for my doctor.  Please pray for me and my family as I finish my chemo and move on to radiation.

What a LONG DAY at the doctor

The doctor was running two hours late today.  Since I had been having allergic reactions to one of my chemo drugs the doctor was reluctant to continue the drug.  He was afraid that I would end up in the hospital if I received one more treatment with that drug.  Today I only received one chemo drug for treatment.  This means that I can't get the special white count booster shot tomorrow.  I will need to go in next Wednesday to have my blood counts checked.  I will have to be EXTREMELY careful about germs and exposure.  (Insurance won't pay for the white count booster shot if you are only receiving one chemo drug.)

The doctor said that there is another chemo drug that could replace the drug we suspect is causing the allergic reaction.  It is a drug that comes with severe side effects.  This is not a cut and dry decision. Ryan and I have to weigh the pros and cons carefully.  Luckily my tumor responds positively to Estrogen suppression drugs, so if I don't add the other drug I will be O.K.  If my tumor was a triple negative I wouldn't have a choice and would be forced to go with the other drug with bad side effects.  At either rate my chemo treatments will be every two weeks instead of every three weeks. This will drastically change my chemo schedule.

I didn't get to eat my lunch today until 2:00 p.m.  My chemo didn't get done today until 5:15!  It was a very LONG emotional day at the doctor!

Erma VS. Martha

I have come to accept the fact that my house is going to be more like Erma Bombeck's house than Martha Stewart's house.  As soon as I vacuum the floor there are cracker crumbs all over the carpet in under an hour.  Today I washed a load of whites with bleach.  Tonight I have more laundry that needs some bleach.  I think I need to invest in Clorox on the stock market.

Today I washed the bedding for Will and Ted.  It is time to get everything ready for my down days following chemo.  Clean laundry has been folded and is ready to be put away.  Tomorrow I will need to finish laundry.
Every night my skin just itches, ugh.  If I was Martha my skin would be perfect and my house would be perpetually clean.  I'm O.K. with my Erma status.  Life isn't as perfect as pinterest or Martha would have you believe.

Oh Christmas Tree

Yesterday we put up the Christmas tree.  Will delighted in decorating the tree.  Will's decorating motto is more is more.  After Will was done decorating the tree Ted went over and pulled the ornaments off and then tried placing them on the tree boughs.  

Today we went to church.  We sat in the balcony to avoid people with colds/coughs.  The message at church was good, but it was hard to concentrate since Will kept talking to me.  During Advent our church places quilts on the pews that will be donated.  If you sit in the balcony you don't get to sit with the quilts.  I wore my wool plaid skirt.  Today was so nice it seemed strange to be wearing a wool skirt.  The weather seemed more like spring than the beginning of December.

So far today I don't have a rash or feel itchy, so I wore my wig to church.  When I wear my wig it feels a little bit like it is just going to PoP off my head.  So far it never has just popped off my head.  It is just a very strange sensation.  

On Friday I called Oncology to tell them I am still breaking out in rashes and feeling itchy.  They didn't seem to think that I should be still having itchy rashes.  They didn't offer me any advice either.  Friday night I had a rash down my leg, on my foot and back.  Saturday night I had a rash on my back.  The nurse in Sioux City claims that it must be from my soap.  (I am using hypoallergenic baby wash and "free" laundry soap (recommended by dermatologists.)  Don't tell me it is from my soap.  I'm not exactly sure why I should have to suffer from itching and rashes.  I hope that I get some sort of relief.

Secret Santa

Yesterday we had a slip in the mail that indicated we had a special letter waiting for us at the Post Office.  The slip stated that the letter could be picked up after 9:00 A.M. on Friday (today).  I took the slip to the post office today.  I gave the man at the counter my slip.  He went back and picked up the letter.  Before he would give me the letter I had to sign and print my name on the card reader device. I then had to print my address on the car reader device.  I told the post man it was like writing on a magna-doodle.  He didn't say anything...He just handed me the letter.  Inside was a Christmas card with a typed letter and a pre-paid Visa card.  Thank you Secret Santa!  Words cannot express our gratitude for your kindness.

The case of the missing neck gaiter

My hands are still itchy today, so I am still taking benadryl.  I didn't feel the need to sleep today, but I didn't have much ambition to get much done either.  I guess that isn't totally true.  A few weeks ago Will lost his neck gaiter.  He had had it since preschool, so I think we got good use out of it.  I just couldn't stomach paying shipping and handling for what is basically an outdoor turtle neck.  I bought a 1/2 yard of fleecy fabric and matching thread.  I had a little insulation lining left over from another project.  It went together easier than I thought it would.  I made it in orange, so hopefully Will won't lose this one.  Now I want want one.  I would like it in a color other than orange though.

My life in the fast lane-- I mean pick-up zone

My last day of prednisone was Sunday and I am still not fully recovered from my allergic reaction from the chemo.  Once the benadryl is out of my system my hands start itching and I know that nothing good will follow. The benadryl makes me very dry.  My lips are dry, my nose is dry, my throat is dry.  I am dry like the desert.  I am also fighting off a little cough and lucky for me I don't have a fever.  

With all my issues plus benadryl I was exhausted today and I could tell I needed to rest.  I was all ready to snuggle in for a nap this morning when I discovered Will had forgotten his lunch on the table in the dining room.  I went out and fired up old red, so I could deliver the lunch to the school.  Since I was out I decided I had better drag myself to Walmart.  (We were almost out of Ted's special drink.)  By the time I got home it was time for lunch.  After lunch I slept until it was time to get in line at the "zone" (the pick-up zone at school). 

 There is definitely a strategy to the pick-up zone. I've noticed that the people in green zone either need to get in line before 3:00 p.m. or they  need to come after dismissal time.  The people in the Purple zone can come at any time.  We are red zone and I've discovered that I need to get in line as close to 3:00 as I can.  If I get to zone too much later I might as well just come "late".  The line for red zone is long, so I can either wait in line before dismissal or wait in line after dismissal. Of course today the sliding door wouldn't work.  I had to climb out the passenger side and force the door shut. (Sometimes the door thinks that something is in the track.  The door won't shut and it dings until everyone inside the van is sick with a headache.)  

By this time I just wanted to get Ted and head for home.  Ted's friend Chase was not happy when he realized Ted was leaving.  Chase usually leaves first, so...poor Chase.  I made special spaghetti for supper, so Ted could have some too.  The special spaghetti does not cook up as nicely as regular pasta.  (Maybe I over cooked it or didn't stir it enough...I'm sure I'll try again another time.)  After bath time Ted got his finger caught in his IKEA wall lamp.  He has a cut on his cute little pointer finger now.  Poor Ted.  He didn't cry, but I thought I might.  Tomorrow is another day.  I hope it is an itch-free day!

Sunday Surprise

Ryan's parents called this morning and said that they would like to come up and see us.  They arrived around 11:00 A.M. and we ordered chicken from the Villager.  It was a little like having a second Thanksgiving.  After dinner Ted took a nap and Ryan, Will, and Ryan's parents went out to rake up all the leaves.  They worked for 2 1/2 hours.  We wouldn't have been able to get the leaves raked without their help.  

After the raking was finished,everyone enjoyed fresh baked brownies and hot chocolate.  (Will had warm apple juice and fruit snacks.)

After the snack, Jeff crawled up under the family room to see if he could find out why the sink in the family room powder room wasn't draining.  Ryan had already discovered that the problem was more than a clogged drain, so we knew there was a problem deeper in the plumbing.  Jeff discovered that we will need one of the pipes replaced. It had rusted through and was leaking into the crawl space.  I'll call the plumber on Monday.  Until that gets fixed we can just keep draining the sink into a bucket.

Today wasn't at all what I had expected when I woke up this morning. It was nice to see Ryan's parents.  I was glad that I felt well enough to enjoy their visit!  We are so grateful that they could make the trip and help out around our house!  Ted had lots of hugs for Grandma and Grandpa.  Will really enjoyed working outside with them!  I think we all had an excellent day!

Black Friday and no shopping

Today passed without any Black Friday shopping for this girl. I didn't leave the house. Our whole family has a touch of a stomach bug.  Ted was out of sorts.  He is normally very happy, but today he just wasn't himself.  He didn't nap very long today, so he was very tired tonight.

Ryan is announcing tournament games tonight for two Basketball games at BVU. We all had an early supper.  Since the games were tournaments we didn't know if food would be available for Ryan at the games. Ted is in bed and Will and I are watching Wheel of Fortune.  I hope that we all wake up tomorrow and feel great.  Oh yes, Will saw the Menards commercial on TV and realized the deals are still good tomorrow!

Our Thanksgiving Blessing

This isn't the first time that Ryan and I haven't been able to join one of our families for Thanksgiving. But since I am still dealing with the after affects from my allergic reaction to chemo, I really didn't feel up to the challenge of cooking the traditional Thanksgiving dishes.  We had accepted the fact that we just weren't going to have a "fancy" Thanksgiving.

My long term sub, and fellow Lakeside Presbyterian church member, Kim Anderson had sent me an e-mail asking what we were going to do for Thanksgiving.  She said that she would have more than enough food and would love to share with our family.  I can't tell you what a blessing this was to our family.  It brings me to tears to think about her kindness.  There are so many things that I can't do right now, but it meant so much to me to be able to enjoy the traditional Thanksgiving dishes.

I am so thankful for all the people in the Storm Lake community that have aided our family during this difficult time.  Ryan and I don't have family close by, so even the small offers of assistance make a HUGE difference to our family.  We know that we are not doing this alone!

Thankful Thanksgiving

I'm so thankful that I got into the doctor yesterday.  Hopefully I will be feeling relatively good this Thanksgiving weekend!

Today I am resting and trying to catch up a little bit on laundry.  Last night Will asked me why he only had one clean pair of pajamas in his drawer.  I told him that I can't be doing laundry when I'm recovering from my chemo.  He said that I need to do the laundry so that he has his favorite pajamas.  (I guess we all need to make sacrifices during this time of recovery.)

Will was so very tired last night.  He was in his own bed and asleep by 6:30 p.m. I had gone down to start a load of laundry and when I came back up to read a book with him I discovered he was fast asleep.  School must be wearing him out!

Ted misses his friend Chase.  Linda said that Ted was saving toys for Chase so they could play together.  OH MY GOODNESS!  That just melts my heart!  I love that Ted has a best friend at daycare!

I wanted to go to Fareway this morning, but then thought better of making the trip.  the doctor told me not to go anywhere for Thanksgiving, and considering I was back at the doctor yesterday...I'm staying home!

It will be interesting to see how they change my chemo drugs since I had a definite allergic reaction this time. I just need to get through three more treatments!

Our little family is experiencing a rough patch right now, but I am so thankful that we have each other.  I'm thankful for the Storm Lake Oncology nurses, and I'm thankful to know that there are many people rooting me on during this difficult time.  I hope that all of my friends and family near and far have a Happy Thanksgiving!  Our little family couldn't get through this without your continued support!

It's just me, your rashy friend

Well, I can't tell you how thankful I am for the Oncology nurses here in Storm Lake!  I called them today to tell them that I was breaking out in small rashes. They said that they would call Sioux City.  Then in the afternoon I called back and said that I had welts on my feet.  They told me to take a Benedryl and a Pepsid and they would call Sioux City back.  They also said that I could come in and they would look at me.  I'm glad they did!  They told me that I had thrush in my mouth and that I definitely had an allergic reaction.  They sent me over to my family doctor to be seen immediately!

I now am waiting on my medication to be filled at Walgreens.  (Thank goodness I got into the doctor's office because now I have a rash on my back!)  Don't worry, I'm not at the pharmacy.  I'm at home and Ryan will pick it up.  I think that our family deserves a quiet night!

The Power of Pictures

This chemo was quite dramatic with Ryan's stomach flu.  Ryan's mother came up on Saturday to help take care of Will and Ted.  This time my throat hurt the worst it has ever been.  It seems like every time is different.  My heartburn was extreme this time.  If I had stronger heartburn medication I wonder if my throat wouldn't hurt quite so badly.  I know that my stomach wouldn't have been quite as upset.  I didn't sleep hardly at all Saturday night, but when I did get a little sleep my dreams were HORRIBLE.  Yuck!  Looking at photos on Facebook is what got me through...my niece making cookies, my cousin's new baby, my friend from high school shooting archery from her horse (even her horse wore a hat!)  The power of pictures!

My skin has gotten quite sensitive.  Sunday night I felt itchy all over, but I didn't have a rash.  I took some Benadryl and woke up this morning feeling not itchy.  Tonight my arms were getting a little rash.  I put some Eucerin cream on them and took Benadryl and the rash went away.  Its been a couple of hours now and I'm doing O.K.  All I want to do is sleep through the night.  I only use baby soap on my skin and either Cheer Free or Dreft on my clothes.

Ted's friend Chase isn't at daycare this week.  Linda told me that all day Ted was looking for Chase. At lunch time Ted went back to where the high chairs are stored because Linda didn't get Chase's chair out.  Then at nap time Ted was looking for Chase.  I love that Ted misses his friend.  I also love that Ted has fun at daycare.  I know that whether I'm at work, or home recovering (like I am right now), Ted is safe and happy!

recipe ideas

Here are a few "safe" ideas for my family.  I will keep adding more so you can check back...

LOWER CARB NON-DAIRY CHICKEN STROGANOFF

When I make this I use the mushroom soup and soy sour cream.  The soy sour cream can be found by the other sour cream in the cooler at Fareway.  The mushroom soup can be found at Fareway by the Gluten free foods.  I also use Gluten free noodles for Ted.  I usually just cube some chicken breasts and cook those up in a pan on the stove top. 

Baked Porcupine Meatballs

There are no special ingredients needed for this recipe.  Please just don't put any bread in with the meatball mixture.  The rice is something that both Will and Ted can eat safely.
Gluten-Free Meatloaf
Gluten Free crackers and bread are really expensive.  I would use a wheat free cereal instead.  Many of the chex cereals are Gluten free (I would also check corn flakes?)  Don't get sucked in to the "Gluten free isle".  If you make this, keep 1/2 for your family!  We don't need the whole thing!

I'm half way there for chemo!

My mother appears to be doing well after her eye surgery!  She should be at her recheck appointment right now, so hopefully all good news for her!  My cousin and her baby appear to be doing well.  I can't wait to meet the new baby.  It will probably be in a few months, but something on my list of things I can't wait to do and see when I get better!

The boys got off to school and daycare and Ryan is upstairs sleeping.  He is under the weather now.  It has been a little too much around the Harder house and Ryan needs to take care of himself, too.  I plan to rest on the sofa today and keep my self hydrated.  My job is to flush out the chemo and rest!  My oncology doctor told me three times before I left yesterday, No rashes, No rashes, No rashes!  If I develop a rash to call him immediately!  I will go back to oncology today for my white cell booster shot.  I pray for Saturday (my notoriously worst day following chemo) to not be too down.  So when I make it through Saturday, I will consider myself 1/2 way done with chemo!

Treatment today

It was quite the ordeal this morning at my pre chemo evaluation.  Since there had been so many medical problems between my last treatment and now, it took a long time for the nurse to debrief me.  They also checked one more time to make sure I didn't have a urinary tract infection.  My blood pressure was elevated today, so that was a concern.  They are thinking that since I had been on a steroid for my flu shot reaction and then immediately started my pre-chemo steroid , that maybe the multiple steroids plus my stress is elevating my blood pressure.  The first time they took it it was in the 140's over 100.  (They just took it again and it was 141/88, so it has gone down!  My last was 136/83.  Relief!)

Anyway, I had to explain all of my medical issues AGAIN to the Oncology doctor.  I saw the doctor 1 1/2 hr. after my scheduled appointment.  He told me to watch the area where I had had my lumpectomy to make sure it doesn't get infected.  He said that there is quite a bit of scar tissue and fluid still in the area.  I told him that the fluid in the area has greatly decreased, but fluid does still collect.  I also explained that I am now able to sleep in my own bed again instead of sleeping on the sofa propped up by pillows.  (I slept on the sofa like that for three months!  I guess Ryan and I invested in a good sofa almost 9 years ago.)

 The doctor then asked if I felt well enough for treatment.  I told him YES!  (If I didn't have my treatment today I wouldn't be able to get my treatment for two more weeks.  That would push every thing back by two weeks.  If I didn't really feel good I wouldn't have taken my treatment today, but Ryan and I agreed that I was well enough for treatment.)  The nurses all told me that the next time I have something strange happen I should just come in to Oncology and then they will contact the Oncology doctor directly.  They felt awful that I had been having so many problems and not getting the answers I needed.  The doctor also told me to call him  in Sioux City if I ever have another problem.  He does not want me to suffer.  Everyone stressed how important it is right now to focus on my health.  (They were emphatic that I need to take it a day at a time.  I have two young children at home.  I should limit my stress as MUCH as possible and TAKE CARE of MYSELF!)

I almost forgot, today is my 1/2 way point for chemo!  I will only have 3 chemo treatments after today!  Then I will have two weeks off and then 6 weeks of radiation.

Meal Train

Angels around us

There is no doubt that I was feeling low after days upon days of dealing with medical problems.  Today I made it to Fareway and an angel appeared to me.  Her smile was contagious and she talked to me for about 10 minutes.  I needed that today.  Another angel appeared to me at the post office. (I had to mail my nieces anti-nausea bands back to her, so she could have them to fly home.) He was a jolly man waiting in line behind me.  He also brightened my day.  

The other night Will was looking at a picture of us and said, "I miss our memories Mom".  I asked him what he meant.  I gathered that he meant that I'm not able to do many of the things I did before my cancer and he misses doing those things with me.  This morning Will asked me when Celeste would be back from her conference. (Celeste is an ESL teacher at our school and graciously picks Will up each morning.)  I think that Celeste is Will's angel right now.  (Will has many angels.  I am grateful for all of them!)

My cousin went to the hospital at 3:00 A.M. this morning to have her first baby.  I pray that she has a smooth delivery.  I pray for my mother and her eye surgery tomorrow.  I pray that my treatment goes smoothly and I have a speedy recovery.  Most of all, I pray that each of us can feel God's love and that we have the wisdom to recognize God working in our lives to carry us through difficult times.

Just get me a bubble

My sister, mother, and niece came to visit today.  My mother will be having eye surgery on Thursday (my next chemo), so Alys and Audrey flew from Virginia to take care of her.  I did not plan on spending an hour in the doctor's office again today.  The latest thing to make my life miserable, a strange fungal infection.  My immunity is down and I guess I'm going to suffer.  I now have two more medications to add to my collection.  I am not supposed to consume alcoholic beverages while on these medications.  (As I recall that is a big "no-no" for chemo too, so not a problem.)

Alys, Audrey, Will, Ted, and my mom were all gathered at the table waiting for me to return from the doctor.    After our lunch, Will returned to school for the rest of the afternoon.  My mom went to the pick-up-zone with me.  You know all the times when a car has stalled, or someone has crashed,or a car has been abandoned, or goes through driving the wrong direction (some of you know what I am talking about).  Anyway, today I got to be the person holding up the zone.  The automatic sliding door wouldn't close.  A kind lady, who only spoke Spanish, was trying to tell me how to close the door.  She had her granddaughter interpret.  It was a desperate situation.  I ended up climbing through the van, out the passenger door, pushing the button, and pushing the door shut.  This does not always work, but I am so glad it did today!

Will and Audrey played nicely this afternoon, and I did get some time to visit with my mother and sister.  Ted was perfectly charming, except when he spit up on the kitchen floor.  (He saved that one just for me after I returned from the pick-up-zone.)  He gave everyone lots of hugs and impressed everyone with his ability to say "cheese" before a photo was taken.  He is not consistent with his talking, but it is fun to hear his occasional words.

I sincerely hope that tomorrow I can get to the grocery store before my chemo on Thursday.  I pray for better days ahead in the not too distant future.  I am so ready for fun and feeling GREAT!  I am tired of being sick and spending hours at the doctor's office every week.  I also pray that my mother has a successful eye surgery on Thursday.

My mother brought lots of kind greetings from old and dear friends in Ames.  I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.

Brrr it's cold outside

The wind is bitterly cold today.  I'm cold in the house without a hat.  I look like I belong in a ski village.

Will had a really difficult time getting ready for school today.  I don't know if it is the colder weather that blew in or that we just didn't have a normal weekend.  It is really difficult for Will when I don't feel "well".  I feel bad too.  It makes me sad when I know my children need me and I can't help them.  Illness is hard on the whole family. I pray for God's grace to carry our family through this difficult time. 

Day of rememberance

Today is Veteran's Day.  Today would have also been my grandfather's 100th birthday.  This is the grandfather for whom Will is named.  Today Ryan and Will drove down to Avoca to celebrate Ryan's Grandmother's birthday.  Today we celebrate and remember many important people.

Since Ted has pink eye and I am recovering from my flu shot disaster, we are resting at home today.  Ted took a 2hr. nap this morning.  I rested while he slept and then I heated up some potato soup that Ryan purchased at the campus book store.  It was Panera brand soup and apparently it was quite expensive.  It was a good treat, but at $5 for one serving of soup without the fancy Panera bread I guess I won't be eating it every day!

Ted's eye is looking better and I seem to be on the upswing.  You can still see where the welts were from my rash.  I'm still itchy, but I feel like I am now going to recover rather than have unending misery.  No one at urgent care yesterday could believe that the Storm Lake community does not offer doctor services on Saturday except for the ER.  Our insurance companies make it abundantly clear that we need to try and make good health care choices and not rush into the emergency room.

Our health care system is at a cross roads.  If Ryan hadn't been able to drive Ted and I to Sioux City yesterday, I think that Ted and I would have had no other choice BUT to go to the emergency room.  We would have ended up spending $2,000 for both of us to see the doctor rather than pay our co-pays.  The people in the urgent care were extremely concerned about both Ted and I. The receptionist was friendly AND helpful, the nurse was well trained and the doctor was outstanding! (The receptionist even told a patient that didn't have insurance where she could find health care free of charge!  She treated everyone with dignity!)  If we need care on a weekend I would feel confident returning to that urgent care facility, but the drive is almost too much especially when you are sick or if the weather is bad.  (Winter in Iowa isn't always perfect.)  Everyone deserves outstanding health care with dignity and respect.

Urgent Care in Sioux City

Today Ted woke up with an angry red eye.  My rash was getting worse.  It had spread to my hands and feet.  I thought that I was going to go out of my mind.  Unfortunately, none of the doctors' offices in Storm Lake see patients on Saturday.  We really didn't want to pay for two E.R. visits, so we decided to visit urgent care in Sioux City.

It wasn't a fun ride.  Ted had a bad case of car sickness.  We had to carry him into the urgent care office wrapped in a blanket.  We filled out the paperwork and then Ryan and Will ran to Old Navy to buy Ted more clothes.  Luckily they were having a clearance sale on toddler clothes.  Everyone at urgent care was extremely nice.  I am so glad that we went to Sioux City rather than pay for an emergency room visit.

After our big day at the doctor's office, I think we all deserve an early bedtime.

The aftermath of my flu shot

Wow, yesterday was a bipolar day for my overall feeling of well being.  In the morning I felt itchy, but otherwise fine.  I went to school and printed off a list of parent contact information so that I could work on sending out an email for parent volunteers.  It was wonderful to be out and about.

Then after lunch the wheels fell off my day.  The arm where I had gotten my flu shot hurt like I had hit my funny bone.  It hurt like that all night.  My back ached and I had huge welts on my legs that would get better if I applied hydrocordozone cream.  It was a ROUGH night.  I kept thinking that I would need to go to the ER.  I feel better this morning, but I'm going to rest as much as I can!  I am thinking that I probably should not get another flu shot.  Last night was unbearable.  (The doctor's office called me back and they didn't think it could be a reaction to my flu shot.  I don't know what else it could be from!  Why else would my arm hurt like it was going to fall off!?

On a happier note, Ted is 18 months today.  We sang him "Happy Birthday", Hickory Park style.  He loves all the clapping.

Meal Train

My next chemo is Thursday, November 15.  I have added a sign - up for dates following my chemo.  The Saturday following my chemo was purposely omitted.  People have been extremely generous and are continually asking how they can help.  We appreciate everyone's care and concern.  This is a journey that we realize we can't make on our own.


 Meal Train Link

Wednesday night surprise

Last night Ryan said that there were two packages delivered to me from the UPS man.  Hmmm. . .I was expecting boots for Will and Ted, but what was the other package.  Ryan told me it was from Flowers.com. One of my mother's friends sent me a message in a bottle.  It was rather exciting to get a message in a bottle.  Ted thought it was a game while we tried to get the message out of the bottle, and Will asked me numerous questions about the cork.  (I am remiss that I don't have more knowledge about cork.)

Wednesday was a good day.  I felt energized and so I vacuumed the family room.  I really vacuumed the family room.  I moved the sofa and chairs and Ted's little kitchen set.  It had been months since the floor had been vacuumed that thoroughly.  The family room just feels "fresh".  I love that feeling!  Tuesday I was an "off" day.  I was just happy to get some laundry folded and put away.  Every day is different.  Some days I feel like my old self and other days I just need to rest.

After I picked Will up from school yesterday we went to the doctor's office and got our flu shots.  I missed the flu shots offered by the school district and BVU.  I'm relieved that have that done and Ted will get his next week.  The shot didn't hurt, but my arm ached last night. I've never had a reaction to flu shot before, but  last night and today I feel itchy.  I guess my body is hypersensitive right now.  My wig also makes my head itch.

Managing the paperwork, insurance and medication is tedious.  In October I called our utility and insurance companies for copies of our bills.  Mid American  and our insurance sent us copies right away.  Alliant Energy said they would send us a copy, but never did.  I called them back today to tell them how disappointed I was that they didn't follow through with my request.  After I went around in a circle with them for a while they agreed to e-mail us a copy. (We are going to apply for a special grant that is offered for people currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer.  There is no guarantee that we will be awarded the grant, but it is worth a try.  The application is tedious.  I hope that we can complete it SOON!)

Friday afternoon will is going to be coming home rather than going to Adventure Club.  He is suffering from a cold right now, so I am questioning if it is a good idea for him to be home with me.  I suppose it is no different than him being home all weekend.  He appears to be boarder line needing to go to the doctor for this possible sinus infection.  I may end up taking him back to the doctor on Friday.  I wanted to make Christmas ornaments with him.  I thought that would be a special project for us.

Around the house

So Friday night I was reviewing insurance papers and realized that at some point one of my insurance cards wasn't returned.  I think the last time I had to show my insurance cards was prior to surgery at St. Luke's in Sioux City.  Either way, I'm surprised that whatever medical facility had my card last wouldn't just mail it back to me.  I went online and requested a new insurance card.

Saturday morning Ryan took the drain apart in the little 1/2 bath off the family room.  The sink had been slow, but it had gotten worse. (I think someone washed quite a bit of sand off in the sink.) Now Ryan needs to snake the drain since the clog seems to be further past the sink.  Yep, fun times at the Harder house.

Today was time change and Will woke up at 5:30!  Ted is under the weather and Ryan has a migraine.  I am thankful I didn't have a treatment this past Thursday.  I can't even imagine...

Losing your routine

In my mind things at school are pretty much the way they were when I left.  Everyone has a general routine that they follow and students and staff that are apart of that routine.  Today I pray for one little person.  He and his family returned to Mexico and I will miss him.  This student played a part of my routine every day.  I never had him in reading group, but every day we said "Hello".  Maybe it was at the beginning of the day or at a different time, but every day our paths crossed.  I could tell that he wondered where I was this year.  When I would come to school at the end of the day to pick up Will this little guy would come up and say "Hi".  In his eyes I could see his question, "Where are you this year?"  

Good luck little man!  I will miss you!  I pray that you are safe and happy!

Who goes to Fareway in the middle of the morning?

Will and Ted had fun last night handing out candy and watching the trick-or-treaters.  Ted had a rough night of sleep.  Ryan took him to the doctor today to make sure it wasn't an ear infection.  The doctor said it was viral.  If we hadn't taken him it would have been an ear infection.  Will is so tired tonight that he fell asleep at 6:40, but Ted is still going strong.  You can tell he is tired though. My throat is starting to hurt tonight, so I really hope I just wake-up fine tomorrow.

Today I went to Fareway.  I went at a non-busy time as suggested by my oncologist.  It is strange to go to Fareway at 10:00 A.M. the store is NOT busy at all! I was able to walk through the store at my own pace and not have to worry about two children. 

 I wanted to make a taco pie that I had found on Pinterest.  Before Will's dairy allergy I made a taco pie with a bisquick crust.  This taco pie called for crescent rolls (they don't contain dairy, but they do contain wheat).  Ted couldn't eat it, but Will could.  I used soy sour cream and Ryan and I added the shredded cheese and salsa at the table.  I should have omitted the olives.  Ryan and Will picked them all out and I didn't use the expensive Fritos, I used store brand corn chips.  I thought that Fritos were way too expensive to just smash up.  I really wanted to use Doritos.  They were on sale at Fareway, but Will can't have them.  Overall it turned out great.  Here is the link if you want to make it too. http://www.navywifecook.com/2012/09/taco-pie.html

Ryan and I had lunch at King's Pointe to celebrate another Chemo DONE!  It was nice to watch the lake and not need to entertain children.  

My wig makes me feel like I am playing dress up every day.  Some people don't recognize me with my fancy new wig.  I really don't miss my hair.  This morning Will had to remind me to put a hat on before I ran out to the van.  He told me to "Put a hat on!  People like a hat Mom!"  Last night I made the mistake of taking my wig off in front of Ted.  He doesn't care if I don't have hair, but he cried and cried when my wig came off.  I guess my hair either needs to be on or off.

Ted Watching the Trick-or-Treaters

Happy Halloween from the waiting room

Today I woke up with a diamond shaped rash on the back of my head.  I called the oncology department here in Storm Lake and a nurse from the Sioux City oncology department called me back.  She seemed to insist that if my rash was itchy that it was most likely shingles...WHAT!?  Maybe it is a rash from the stitching in my wig?  No, the nurse insisted that I should go to see my family doctor because I CAN NOT see an oncology doctor and possibly expose all the other cancer patients to shingles.  You bet, I will go sit in the waiting room of the doctor's office with all the hacking sniffling people and expose myself to that mess.

I indeed went to the doctor, even the receptionist at the front reception was sick.  Right away the nurse could tell it wasn't shingles.  She said that a shingles rash doesn't cross the body.  HMMM nurse in Sioux City, I don't think you asked me enough questions.  On the bright side, I now have a steroid cream for my rash caused by the stitching in the back of my wig.  I hope that I don't get sick from sitting in the germ free waiting room.  I also need to figure out what to do about the back of my wig.

Is that Will or Green Lantern?

Will dressed up as Green Lantern last night to go Trick-or-Treating at BVU.  He looked amazing and had a blast!  Ted and I stayed home and read books.  Ted also figured out how to climb up on the coffee table/footstool/storage area.  He was extremely proud of himself.  Ted is the boy of adventure, so watch out!  Good thing his brother has a ring that will keep him safe from danger!

I feel safer knowing Will is protecting me!

Made it through the weekend

I made it through chemo #2!  Saturday was better than last time, but still not fun.  The help and support from our friends and family makes a HUGE difference!  Today I am tired and just need to rest.

My amazingly talented husband carved pumpkins and helped make a Halloween costume for Will.  Ted loved squishing the pumpkin goop in his fingers.  Will was excited to finally carve the hugest pumpkin. Tonight is trick-or-treating at Buena Vista University.  Don't worry, Ted has a costume too.  We saved Will's cute little lion costume.  

Pictures please? You got 'em

Tonight I shaved the rest of my hair off.  It looks so much better!  It feels better too!  The lady in Spencer told me I needed  a special shampoo system and it makes a huge difference.  My head no longer hurts like my hair has been pulled back in a too tight braid.

My new urban look

My new wig

Chemo today

Today it was SNOWING when it was time to leave, so I left my wig at home. Today I met with Dr. Wender(sp?).   People had said he could be a little different. He was fine and answered some questions with more information/different opinion than Dr. Doddebellie(sp?). My blood pressure was a little high when I got here, but it quickly went down. Dr. Wender made me feel much better! I was glad to have a 2nd opinion!

My blood levels were so good the past few weeks that I dont have to come back until my next chemo. Of course if I need anything I can call, come in, and they will help me.
Ryan popped in and out today. He needed to tie up some ends at work.

The nurses here are amazing! We are so lucky to have this facility in our hospital!

Rules for wig care

Yesterday I delivered soup/dessert to the school for Parent Teacher conferences.   I made turkey chili and Taco Joe Dip and Gooey Butter Cake.  It was nice to try a dessert from Pinterest, but it was also nice to have a place to take it.  It was easy to make and perfect to share.  My allergies were out of control yesterday, so I ended up sleeping all day.  It doesn't seem fair to have allergies, too.

I felt much better today.  What a relief because today was my wig appointment.  I don't have a picture though.  I wore my wig home and it got wet from the mist.  The wig is drying on its stand.  There is one big rule that I must remember - DO NOT COOK IN THE WIG.  IT WILL MELT!  Also, don't brush the wig with a regular brush or comb.  Don't wear the wig if it is wet.  Don't sleep in the wig.  I'll post a picture on a better day.

I started grating Fels Naptha soap so I can make my own laundry soap.  I will try anything that might possible be less expensive and might clean better than pre-made soap. I misread the directions, so I need three more bars of Fels Naptha.  I grated two tonight and it smelled really clean!  I expected it would be more difficult to grate the soap bars.  I just wouldn't want to grate five in one night.

My second chemo treatment will be tomorrow.  I hope that everything goes smoothly!

The temptations of Pinterest

This week is conference week for my coworkers at school.  I don't have much to do these days, so I've been looking on Pinterest for delicious desserts that I would like to try.  I found one called Chess Squares or Gooey Butter Cake.  http://www.kevinandamanda.com/recipes/dessert/chess-squares.html

It was so simple to make.  It tastes extremely rich and surely blows all your weight watchers points out of the water.  I'm sure if you eat one small piece once a year you will be fine.  I'm glad that I have somewhere to take this dessert, because one piece is enough.  To me it tastes so buttery that it reminds me of movie theater popcorn.

  

I can tell that I don't have much to do these days because the anticipation of taking my coworkers food rivals the excitement of Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Yes, I really don't get out much these days and if I'm feeling good I just want to do something "normal".

After I picked Will up from school today I took him to the public library to find a Charlie Brown movie.  We found a VHS tape and it was a mystery.  "The Great Pumpkin" was checked out today.  We can go back and look for that movie another day.  I'm sure it is a popular movie right now.  We also picked out three Arthur books.  Those are his favorite books.  I'm sure it helps that those books have a huge display that spins right as you enter the children's section.

Tonight the lady at the salon in Spencer called to tell me my wig came in.  I can go on Wednesday to pick-up the wig.  I am very excited to be getting my wig. I don't like to have people look at me with sad eyes full of pity.  I appreciate all of the kind words, food, and help, but that is different.  Yay for blending in with the crowd.   

You take the good, you take the bad

Saturday morning we got up bright and early to go to the zoo.  My blood counts were good and we were looking forward to a well deserved diversion.  I packed us all lunches and we were off!  Poor Ted... he got violently car sick.  We had to turn around and come back home.  (We were about 1 1/2 hrs. from home.)  He was so sick that I was worried he had the stomach flu.  Ted perked up quite a bit once we got home and he had eaten crackers and pedialyte.  It was a very sad day at the Harder house.  No one wants to drive for three hours only to be exactly where you started.

Today was a much better day.  We were able to make it to Sioux City without incident.  My hair fell out practically overnight, so I had to wear a hat.  Unfortunately, the hat I had was too warm for a day like today.  When we got home I found a colorful cotton scarf that had pink fringe hanging off it.  Then I found an old baseball type hat that I "drew"  from a Christmas exchange when I taught at Meservey-Thornton/Sheffield-Chapin.  It is a white hat with Sony printing in blue on the front.  The person I drew it from got the hat at a different exchange.  Who knew it would have a real use one day.

When Will discovered my hair was coming out he was extremely upset.  Now he wants to wear a hat, just like Mom.  Ted doesn't care what I have on my head as long as I have a smile on my face and love in my heart!  What a remarkable pair of boys!  It truly is the little things that get us through each day!

Do you like my wig?

Ryan took me to Spencer this morning for a wig fitting.  I was lucky enough yesterday to nab the last appointment the lady had for today.  When I went for my nurse check yesterday the nurse advised me to pick out a wig while I still had hair on my head!  She said, "Do it fast!"  Good thing I went today because there was a HUGE amount of hair in the drain this morning.  The average person on the street wouldn't be able to tell yet, but I can tell my hair is thinning FAST!

When I was in college, Rogaine had just come out on the market.  As a joke my roommate, Carolyn, had the company send me the information packet.  I'm fairly certain that they didn't send product, but I remember wondering how I got on that mailing list.  Well today the lady at the salon said that if I used a special shampoo, not Rogaine, my head would stop itching during this hair loss stage.  I'll sure give it a try because I am tired of waking up with my head feeling like my hair has been pulled back in a too tight braid all night.

The first wig I tried on was just for size.  When she put it on my head it looked like the worst head of hair I had ever seen!  After she figured out my size, average, she brought out an assortment of catalogs.  The wigs in the front of the first catalog cost over $1,000!  I about dropped the catalog on the floor and ran out of the store.  I'm not so vain that I need a wig that costs the same as purchasing 10 pairs of Dansko shoes!  The lady assured me that the wigs were much more reasonable toward the back of the catalog.  Right away I found a wig I liked and she had a sample that I could try on.  It was not the right color, but it was a great style.  We then plowed through the color samples to find one that matched my hair.  We found one right away, but of course the wig I liked didn't come in that color.  The wig came in lots of crazy colors... who needs a wig in one of those crazy colors?  A drag queen, no doubt.  We finally settled on a color that looked like a normal lady in her thirties, with two children, would wear.

Ryan and I finished our trip to Spencer by a quick stop at Menards to buy a drain unclogging device.  The sink in the half bath off the family room has been quite slow lately.  I know that a huge amount of sand has been washed off in that sink, so I hope that this special drain snake will work.  When you have two kids you never know what has gone down the sink.

Checking in at the doctor

This is the third time they have accessed my port and each time they have had a different person access it.  The first time one of the regular oncology nurses did it and I didn't feel a thing.  Last week a surgery nurse accessed it for practice and had someone talking her through it.  Today a home health care nurse was doing it with another nurse talking her through it.  I hope it isn't someone practicing every single time I go in.  I get worked up enough in anticipation.  I don't need another reason to almost pass out!

My nurse evaluation was FAST today.  The doctors were in Sioux City and my blood levels were GREAT! Following my super efficient nurse evaluation, I showed the social worker some hats that I would like for her to order.  She then had me help pick out some other winter type hats.

Tomorrow Ryan will run me to Spencer to pick out a wig.  I woke up this morning and the back of my head was hurting where my hair had been smashed against the pillow.  My knowledgeable, retired, oncology nurse mother told me that is what it feels like before you hair falls out.  Sure enough I had a huge wad of hair collecting in the drain this morning.  Good thing the people in our family have thick thick hair, so you can't tell yet that I have been collecting wads of my own hair out of the drain!  Don't feel sorry for me, though.  I knew this would happen.

On a happy note, today marks the 10 year anniversary of Ryan proposing to me.  Wow!  I can't believe it has been 10 years!  For better or worse I couldn't ask for a better person to be by my side through it all!

The mystery truck

So my "big project" for the day was laundry, and being neighborhood  watch.  Something mysterious was happening at the house across the street.  A Lundell construction truck backed up to the house and dragged a hose into the house.  The hose was connected to a tank on the back of the truck.  Later they dragged a red hose out into the yard.  Strange, very strange.

Anyway, I ordered one of those bomber hats for winter and it came today!  It is black with fancy birds.  It was at close out price from the Sierra Trading Post.  I figured if there was any winter when I could wear a hat like that it was this winter...and there was quite a bit of hair in the drain this morning.  I have thick hair, so you can't tell yet.  I'm fine with losing my hair because I know my leg hair will also fall out!

As for my crochet project, it is coming along.  I am trying very hard to follow the directions and pictures in the book, but I am just not sure it is exactly right.

Adventures at Walmart

Today I went to Walmart.  I found fabric for a Christmas Tree skirt! It was difficult to find someone to cut the fabric. Two older ladies decided that I should just pick up the phone and call for help.  I really didn't want to try paging someone from the "house phone".   Finally someone walked by and I asked them if they could find someone to cut the fabric.  They told me the bell keeps getting stolen from the fabric department!

 I also found some yarn to start a crochet project.  This will force me to sit quietly for a time and hopefully will be something that I can work on while I wait for my nurse evaluation each Thursday.  (I pray I don't have to wait an 1 1/2 hrs to see the nurse this week!)  While I was at Walmart a girl was staring at me.  She was obviously school aged, but I didn't recognize her.  I don't know if she recognized me or was just interested in my purchasing habits.  Either way, I wanted to play truancy officer and ask her why she wasn't in school!  Maybe that should be my new part time job, patrolling Walmart for truant children.  Maybe not.

We had acorn squash for supper.  I cut it in half, put oil on a cookie sheet, and placed cut sides down.  I wasn't going to let anything explode tonight.  Will acted like I was feeding him poison, even though he has eaten squash in the past.  Ted loved it!  I didn't love cleaning up the floor under his high chair, but oh well...

At bath time Will told me about a boy at school.  Will is worried about this boy.  I told him that he should be nice to this boy and we will say an extra prayer for him.  It is truly the little things that people do that make life better.

Feeling the need to purge (old medications)

Today I thought I would go to Walmart, but no I started cleaning the kitchen...
I started in the cabinet where we keep the medication.  I still had prescriptions from 2005!  I threw out sippy cups that were missing pieces and a whole container full of plastic lids that hadn't been touched in two years.  I was feeling fearless today.  I filled the entire kitchen trash.  More blue glass was hiding in the drawer under the oven and under the fridge.  Sometime I will need to organize the pantry closet, but not today.  Probably not tomorrow, either.

Since I didn't go to Walmart today I ended up going to Walgreens.  I admit that I have the Walgreens app and have the little loyalty rewards card that they scan from the phone.  What I don't understand is how I could purchase deodorant, baby food, and assorted make-up and not earn a single loyalty point?  What do you have to purchase before you earn points, a block of gold?

Ryan and I watched Dark Shadows tonight.  The movie started out fine, but the ending was a hot mess.  I'm glad we only rented it from Redbox and didn't actually pay to see it in the theater!

Sunny Sunday

When I woke up this morning I felt that I needed to be at church today.  As we were getting ready to walk out the door my mother called from Canada.  She had been on vacation with some friends.  They were touring the eastern US and Canada via a cruise.  I think they all had a good time and they should arrive home later today.

The anthem today was very special to me.  It was a song that I had performed at Ghost Ranch (a Presbyterian camp in NM). A group of us went while I was in high school.   I am so glad that we went to church today.  It was nice to do something "normal".  I didn't shake anyone's hand and all the coughing people made me paranoid.  I had hand sanitizer for Ryan after he passed the peace.

So I'm finding it difficult to pin point the style of Christmas Tree skirt that I would want to make.  There is quite a difference in style, so I need to think about this.  It isn't as simple as one would first think.  I am wishing that I had taken the jewelry making class in high school. I have some free time right now and for the first time ever especially interested in earnings. So shame on me for not taking advantage of that class in high school.  It is difficult to fit in electives though unless you are on the five year graduation plan.

Saturday with a Bang!

Ryan had to work the BVU football game today, so I thought that I would make acorn squash for lunch (not Ryan's favorite).  The pan exploded with a BANG!  I had just gotten done sweeping up baking soda off the floor. Ted grabbed the box of the counter, sprinkled it on the floor and then swished his body in it!  What a mess in the kitchen today!

  

We all had sandwiches for lunch and then Will went to the BVU football game with Jeremy and Jodi Ward.  He had a good time and the Beavers even won homecoming against Central! Ryan said this is only the 2nd time we have defeated them at home since 1959!  Second win total since 1979!

Ted's Wii phone

Ted and I hung out at home.  Ted took and extremely short nap and then tore around the house like a tornado.  He managed to dump a puzzle all over the floor and  knock the DVD and Wii off the console in the living room!  What a mess!  He was extremely shy when Jeremy and Jodi brought Will home.  Ted cried when Jeremy tried to hold him.  I can't remember the last time Ted acted that shy.  He clung to me like a traumatized monkey.

Ryan came home and we ate supper at the Villager.  It was so NICE to get out of the house and just sit in the booth!  Ted was super friendly with an elderly couple at the Villager.  That was surprising after he acted like such a turkey for Jeremy and Jodi!

When we got home, Ryan and I completed a marriage strengthening task of cleaning the shards of broken blue glass out of the bottom of the oven.  The glass looks really pretty, too bad it was all over the bottom of the oven.

Let my inner homemaker shine through

Well, today is the day to organize Ted's clothes.  It was quite the undertaking since I saved ALL of Will's clothes.  My mother urged me to give his clothes away, but I'm glad that I kept them.  Organizing, sorting and purging was desperately needed.  When I found out about the cancer I quickly sold all of the clothes that no longer fit Ted, at that time.  I just didn't want the extra clutter.  We needed to take out all of the summer clothes and weed again.  At least now we can find what we are looking for in Ted's room.

The next three projects that I would like to tackle:  make laundry soap, find a delicious milk free & wheat free cookie recipe for my boys, and make a Christmas Tree skirt.

Big wait at the doctor today

Today was a long day of waiting at the doctor.  The waiting for my port access wasn't too bad, but waiting for the nurse evaluation took an hour! I had gotten myself all worked up knowing that they would access the port.  Then they had someone getting extra practice in the port access room.  By the time they were done I was about to faint and they were fanning me.  I'll be O.K. I just need to calm myself...

I had been at the doctor for 1 1/2 today and only saw the nurse.  She was very nice and I know it wasn't her fault.  She told me that every day will be different and that I shouldn't feel guilty if I don't get all of my housework done each week.  The important thing is to rest as needed and take care of myself!

I had been at the doctor's office so long that Ryan came and joined me and then took me to lunch.  After I got home I had to call Sunshine Services since our trash had been skipped.  The man came right away.  This is the second time in about a month that they have skipped our house.  The Fed Ex man came and delivered a large box of diapers for Ted.  I like this service.  The shipping was free from Walmart!  I don't know why I didn't do this sooner!  Then I rested until I went to pick-up Will from school.

I think that my morning and Wednesday tired me out!  Thank you everyone for the positive feedback about my hair!  I'm glad everyone likes it.  Soon it will all fall out, so I will enjoy it while I can.  Then I will wear hats.  I should probably go get a wig!  My hair will grow back...The important thing is to just get through this day by day!

Practical VS Vanity

I went to Walmart this morning during a non-busy time to avoid germs and sick people.  I wiped the cart (as always).  I bought myself a pair of slippers to help keep my feet warm at home.  I suppose I could wear them to go pick Will up from school....NO!  If you are laughing you get my joke.

I have chicken chili in the crock-pot and I washed all my make-up brushes today.  I guess I should wash them after each use now, so as to avoid germs.  I hope the bristles don't start falling out!  I love my new hair for the quick dry and style.  On the other hand, I should no longer push it back when I put on my make-up.  By the time I took off my headband today the hair was all strangely kinked.  It is too short to fix it with my straightener...UH OH.  Lesson learned.  I guess I prefer a longer style ( I think this makes me look old, but the quick style makes a huge argument for shorter length.)  Practicality VS. Vanity

I suppose we all have a picture in our mind of how we should look.

Journey to Sioux City

I had an appointment in Sioux City today.  It was a follow-up appointment for the port placement.  It took all of 10 minutes.  The doctor has a good sense of humor.  I like it when a doctor is personable and doesn't take him/herself too seriously!  He even has a huge fish tank in the waiting room.  He said that I can swim in the river if I want, but I don't think I will...Brrr!

To back the day up a bit...this morning I drove myself to a hair cut!  When Ryan came home from work to drive me to Sioux City he was extremely surprised.  It was nice to surprise him!  Prior to our appointment we enjoyed a child free meal at Olive Garden!  I am exhausted now, but it was a good day.  I should sleep like a log tonight and I think that chicken from The Villager is in order.

They don't call it awesometherapy

It's been a rough day for Kara-- the chemo has hit her pretty hard.  She's really nauseous and her head hurts.  It started early in the evening last night, and hasn't let up.  She's feeling dizzy and lightheaded too.  The paperwork says to call the doctor when that happens, so we checked in with the oncology doctor on call.  The doctor recommended laying off one of the medications and trying some Pepcid for the stomach.  She also said that Kara should start to feel better soon, but that hasn't happened yet.

The pharmacist at Walgreens recognizes me by sight now.  Sometimes you gotta go where everybody knows your name. 

Tom and Sharon Daniels watched Will and Ted while I worked at the football game today, which was a huge help.  They all had a great time-- I will take undeserved credit for my childrens' good behavior.

Everyone's support during this time had been incredible, and we can truly feel the impact of your positive thoughts and prayers.  If you're so inclined tonight, please throw in an extra prayer or two for Kara.  She could really use it.

Chemo

I started chemo today. Everyone here is fabulous! They have pampered me to the nines! Ryan left to go get something done at work and I was just fine. We are so lucky to have oncology here in Storm Lake!

The patient advocate came in and let me try on hats. I chose three hats. The scarves just looked ridiculous on me.

BVU homecoming is Oct. 13. We are looking for someone to help watch Will and Ted that day. Ryan will be working the football game.

Chemo starts tomorrow

 
This October will mark 10 years since Ryan proposed to me.  Ryan and I met in college, but didn't ever date.  We met again at a party given by mutual college friends.  We will celebrate our 10 year anniversary in June.  Each day is a new adventure. In good times and in hard times, I am grateful to have my best friend by my side.

Tomorrow I will have my first chemo treatment.  I will have 6 treatments, three weeks part.  I know that this too shall pass.  Ryan and I are extremely grateful for the continued help and support from our friends, family and coworkers.

Who likes port ports?

I am sitting with Kara after her surgery. It went very well.  Dr. Lebredo and everyone at St. Luke's has been really great. The port went in without incident and it's ready to go.

Kara is doing well. You never know how someone is going to be when you first see him or her post-surgery. I opened the door and Kara had a nice smile. Awesome!  She doesn't feel dizzy or too nauseous, which is nice.

She'll rest here for another 45 minutes or so, then we'll head home. I assure you that we won't be stopping at the mall to pick up a nice pair of slacks.  I'll be glad when we're home, but so far so good.

Surgery tomorrow

Today I spent the day taking phone calls from St. Luke's so that I could preregister for tomorrow's port placement.  I ended up answering some political calls since I can no longer tell if they are medical or junk...

I drove for the first time today!  I don't plan to drive down the interstate any time soon, but it was nice to check another box off the list of "Things We All Take For Granted".

Will and Ted will be staying with friends tonight so that Ryan and I can leave at 6:00 A.M. for Sioux City.

Lovely fall weekend

Thursday night I was able to give Ted a bath.  He crawled up the stairs, walked to the tub, I gently lifted him in, he stood up when he was finished, and he then walked to his bedroom.  It was the most adorable thing I have ever seen.  I was then able to help him put his pajamas on.

On Saturday Ryan and Will went for haircuts.  Ted and I stayed home and played blocks.  He stacks blocks like a pro, but we laughed and laughed when they all fell down. While we were playing he would scoot over into my lap.  It was a wonderful way to spend a morning.  

Saturday afternoon we went to a pumpkin patch near Fort Dodge.  We rode down to the patch on a wagon pulled by an old truck.  Will got to ride up front with the driver.  It was the perfect day!  We found three pumpkins.  

Can you see Will and Ryan searching for the perfect pumpkin?

Will helping to drive the truck

Doctor in Sioux City

Ryan and I drove to Sioux City early this morning to meet with a surgeon. On Tuesday I will have a port placed.  It will be at St. Luke's, where Ted was born.  The doctor and his nurse were extremely kind and very comforting.  The doctor looked a little wide eyed when I told him that my other option was to have the temporary surgeon in Storm Lake do the procedure.  I am confident that I made the right choice.
 

OVERWHELMED

Sorry to my loyal followers that I haven't posted in a few days.  Ryan and I have been OVERWHELMED by the sheer amount of information that we have had to mentally process.  Last Thursday we were at the doctor from 2:45 - 6:30 p.m. and then we went back Monday morning for more information!

On Friday I will go to Sioux City to have a surgical consult to have a port put in place for chemo.  I am electing to do this in Sioux City since Dr. Dierking had an accident and is out of commission for a while.  (Heal fast Dr. Dierking!)  I really didn't want to have a "temp" doctor do this important procedure for me.  My mother, a retired oncology nurse, said there are ports and then there are good ports.  Guess what, I want the good port!  I'm not going to settle for 2nd best here!

I will start chemo on October 4th, here in Storm Lake.  

Last night I went to Look Good, Feel Better at the BVRMC (our amazing local hospital and education center).  They gave us free make-up and gave us tricks and tips for our sensitive skin and changing make-up needs.  Then last night, I started looking at hats online.  I've always liked hats, no surprise to my family.  I now have a super important reason (besides sun protection) to invest in a few cute ones.  I'm going to find the silver lining in this anyway that I can!

I'm getting slowly better everyday. I started noticing that my muscles were feeling tight.  I realized why...I'm regaining sensation in my arm!  This is a slow process, but yahoo!

In an effort to give myself a purpose each day, I've been working on personalized baby gifts for my relatives that are expecting.  I don't want to elaborate too much since I don't want to ruin the surprise.  (If you know someone who is expecting a baby soon and you want a personalized gift I would be glad to make you one.  Send me an e-mail and I can show you what I've been crafting in my workshop. I'm not Santa though, I only make one per day.)

Thank you to all of my friends, coworkers, and family for all of their continued support. It helps to know that many, many, many people want me to get better!  

Checking in at the Doctor

O.K.  Good news first... they finally took my drain out today!  I instantly have less pain.  No wonder I was in so much pain.  They pulled a huge inflexible rectangular thing out of the side of my body.  It was at least 5 inches long!

Other news... since I am so young, I will need to have chemo AND radiation.  Ugh!  I've been told that chemo is not like it used to be, so I shouldn't get myself all worked up at this point.

Since I had it pictured in my mind that I would only need to have radiation and no chemo, I was extremely frustrated and disappointed after my appointment today.  Instead of sitting at home and crying, I decided to walk to school.  It really helped to walk to school and talk to my friends and coworkers (basically the same thing).  What an amazing support system!  I feel so much better!  I now know exactly what exercises I should be doing to help my arm. (YAY! Thank you Patti!)

I will see the oncologist on Thursday (late in the day).  I know I can do this!  I know everyone is rooting for me.  Sometimes it just helps to see and talk to the people you would normally see every day.  If you work for Storm Lake Elementary you have to be a high energy, optimistic person.  Today I needed an infusion of high energy optimism and I sure got it!  Thank you SLES!