The Book of Mormon

Yesterday the sun had come out and I had fallen asleep on the sofa.  I had been sleeping for maybe 1/2 hour when the doorbell woke me up.  I went to the side door thinking that it was a delivery/package.  Normally the delivery man rings the bell and then places the package right in front of the door so I can't even open the door.  No delivery man, delivery truck on the street or package at that door...and then the bell rang again.  Oh no, someone was at the front door and they were determined to speak to a live person.  Our family van was clearly in the driveway.  I found my trusty blue ski hat and went to the door.

There were two nicely dressed young men at my door.  I noticed right away that they were Mormons on their mission.  The lock on the glass door was caught so it took me awhile to get the actual door open.  I could tell they were amused that I wore a ski hat.  They asked me something that lead me to tell them we attended a church, but not the Mormon church.  They asked me if I knew about their church.  I told them YES!  When I taught for Omaha Public Schools I would take children to sing at the Mormon Trail Center every Christmas.  We would then stay and take the tour.  I told them that the message presented at the Mormon Trail Center is quite inspirational.  (If you ever have the opportunity to go to the Mormon Trail Center, especially at Christmas time, it is impressive.)

One of the young men had said that he had just come from Omaha.  He wanted to know where we lived in Omaha and why did we choose to come to Storm Lake?  We had a very uplifting conversation.  They asked me how I saw God working in my life.  I told them about my current battle with cancer and the love and support that I felt from my coworkers and neighbors.  I told them that I can see God working through many people in my life.  At the end of our conversation one of the young men handed me his Book of Mormon.  He said that he hoped I would find it inspirational.

I, in fact, found the visit from the two young men inspirational.  I feel that they were messengers from God, bringing hope and reaffirming my faith.  I must put my trust in God and take a leap of faith.  I may not be traveling across the rugged terrain in a covered wagon, but I have my own journey to endure. The men did not say this to me. They didn't need to say those words.  I could make my own connection.  I'm not Mormon and I don't plan to make a major religious change.  I don't really think it matters if you are Catholic, Mormon, Baptist, Lutheran, or ....  I think it matters more that you have a faith that is meaningful and positive.

I pray that we may all find hope and healing this Christmas and in the New Year.  I see many angels in my life.  I pray that you may see them too.

Prayers of hope and healing

I have been on my emergency steroid since Friday.  Sunday was the first day that I could make it through the day without breaking out in a rash.  Thankfully I can once again stand the feel of my clothing against my skin.
The weather isn't looking very good for Wednesday, so I hope that the doctor will be able to make it to Storm Lake on Thursday.

I woke up this morning with a horrible sinus headache. Now that I am sitting up and have been taking in lots of fluids, I'm feeling better.  (I'm sure the Tylenol is helping a little bit.)  The house feels very damp and cold, so it is difficult for me to "warm-up".  I finally had to turn on a space heater in the family room.

My coworkers have been extremely supportive during this difficult time.  Today I am saying a little prayer for  them.  I know that all educators and parents have heavy hearts right now.  Also, many of my coworkers have family members struggling with health issues.  I pray that we may all find hope and healing during this Christmas and in the New Year!

Ode to Benadryl

I went to Fareway yesterday and in the middle of the store I had a hot flash.  I just needed to get out of there.  It was a close call...I almost had to take my hat off.  Yikes!

After my adventure at Fareway I just couldn't deal with lunch.  Ryan took me to Hardees.  We ordered our food and I found a table.  I noticed that it needed cleaning, so I used one of my Clorox wipes.  After I wiped the table I noticed that the wipe was black where my hand had applied pressure to the wipe.  Wow!  The teacher in me wanted to just go around to all the tables and give them a good Clorox wipe down!  I then used a hand wipe to clean my hands.  There was a man sitting at the little island area in the middle of the resturant.  He had watched me wipe the table and then wipe my hands.  I presume that he thought I was a germ-a-phobe.  After seeing that Clorox wipe, I really am turning into a germ-a-phobe!

Last night at supper my Benadryl wore off.  Right before my eyes the rash on my wrists start to appear and  become raised.  I just can't let the Benadryl get out of my system.  This morning I called Storm Lake Oncology and started my "emergency" steroid.  We will see what happens on Thursday (my next chemo day).

Rocks in the coat

Yesterday afternoon the boys were climbing the walls, so to speak.  I bundled Ted up in his coat, hat, mittens, and tucked him into  his stroller with a thick quilt.  Will wanted to ride his bike, but the tires needed air and he was too tired.  We all walked down to the lake and Will threw sticks and rocks at the ice.  Will wanted to bring a few rocks home, so I told him that was fine.  I advised him to take them up to his room for safe keeping.  

Today I had an early lab and nurse evaluation.  I woke up with a rash, so the nurse said she really didn't know what they were going to do with me?! She was very concerned and kind.  (I've been taking Benadryl all day.  We will see what tomorrow brings.)  I should probably call them back tomorrow, not what I wanted to do at all.  (Place frustration emoticon here)

Anyway...I hadn't gotten Will a new winter coat this year.  I thought he could make it another winter, but the zipper had started pulling out.  I stitched the zipper back into the coat, but it was pulling out again.  While Ryan and I were in Sioux City today I found Will a new coat at Old Navy.  It was such a good deal that I probably would have purchased him a coat even if he didn't need it.  Ryan and I also got to enjoy a child free meal at the Olive Garden.  Maybe it was frivolous, but we needed it!  (Hey I have cancer AND I'm allergic to the chemo!)

So I went into the school this afternoon to pick Will up and something interesting happened.  I was talking to Will's teacher and Will chimed in about our walk to the lake.  He described the rocks he collected.  By the way mom can you cut the rocks out of the sleeve of my coat? (Apparently there is a hole in the sleeve of his old coat and while we were at the lake rocks got inside his coat.)  I didn't tell Will I got him a new coat.  I took his old coat down to the basement and hung his new coat up on his hook in the family room.  I can't wait for tomorrow morning when he discovers he has a new coat!

Will was computer helper today at special time.  This was an extremely important day for Will.  He was overjoyed last week when he told me it was his turn.  Will lives for technology.  (Oh yes, if any of you have been wondering about my Twitter account.  Will figured out how to tweet links from my phone.  Don't worry, it wasn't bad or inappropriate.  It is a little funny.  I hadn't had a tweet in 149 days.  Will is tweeting about his favorite web sites from my account.  I disabled that feature on my phone, so while I'm not myself ...Will can't suggest his favorite web sites! That is one savvy kid!) 

Big Thanks

I would like to thank my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandmother for the wonderful care package.  It really brightened my day on Saturday.

 I am also grateful for the soup/roll delivery this morning.  It made this cold Monday so much warmer!

I've finally gotten my appetite back, so I'm eating a party pizza.  The heart wants what the heart wants.

This morning when I went to make Will his sandwich for his lunch I pulled out the drawer to get a baggie.  I found a 1/2 eaten bagel in the drawer.  I told Will that the next time he didn't like something he should just throw it away.  I'm not sure what he thought would happen by putting the bagel in the drawer.

Weight off my shoulders/prayers please

My doctor just called me at 7:00 p.m. on a Friday night.  While he was on the phone with me he was looking up studies to figure out what what will be the best course of treatment to round out my chemo.  We came to the conclusion that Cytoxin and then Estrogen suppression drugs will be the best course for my type of cancer.  He said the risks of the other chemo drug far out weigh the benefits.  I am so thankful that my doctor cares enough about his patients to call at 7:00 p.m. on a Friday night to talk about treatment options!
I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

A family donated fruit baskets to the oncology patients.  Thank you to the family for their donation.  I had a pear out of the fruit basket today and it was just what I needed!

Please continue to pray for wisdom for my doctor.  Please pray for me and my family as I finish my chemo and move on to radiation.

What a LONG DAY at the doctor

The doctor was running two hours late today.  Since I had been having allergic reactions to one of my chemo drugs the doctor was reluctant to continue the drug.  He was afraid that I would end up in the hospital if I received one more treatment with that drug.  Today I only received one chemo drug for treatment.  This means that I can't get the special white count booster shot tomorrow.  I will need to go in next Wednesday to have my blood counts checked.  I will have to be EXTREMELY careful about germs and exposure.  (Insurance won't pay for the white count booster shot if you are only receiving one chemo drug.)

The doctor said that there is another chemo drug that could replace the drug we suspect is causing the allergic reaction.  It is a drug that comes with severe side effects.  This is not a cut and dry decision. Ryan and I have to weigh the pros and cons carefully.  Luckily my tumor responds positively to Estrogen suppression drugs, so if I don't add the other drug I will be O.K.  If my tumor was a triple negative I wouldn't have a choice and would be forced to go with the other drug with bad side effects.  At either rate my chemo treatments will be every two weeks instead of every three weeks. This will drastically change my chemo schedule.

I didn't get to eat my lunch today until 2:00 p.m.  My chemo didn't get done today until 5:15!  It was a very LONG emotional day at the doctor!

Erma VS. Martha

I have come to accept the fact that my house is going to be more like Erma Bombeck's house than Martha Stewart's house.  As soon as I vacuum the floor there are cracker crumbs all over the carpet in under an hour.  Today I washed a load of whites with bleach.  Tonight I have more laundry that needs some bleach.  I think I need to invest in Clorox on the stock market.

Today I washed the bedding for Will and Ted.  It is time to get everything ready for my down days following chemo.  Clean laundry has been folded and is ready to be put away.  Tomorrow I will need to finish laundry.
Every night my skin just itches, ugh.  If I was Martha my skin would be perfect and my house would be perpetually clean.  I'm O.K. with my Erma status.  Life isn't as perfect as pinterest or Martha would have you believe.

Oh Christmas Tree

Yesterday we put up the Christmas tree.  Will delighted in decorating the tree.  Will's decorating motto is more is more.  After Will was done decorating the tree Ted went over and pulled the ornaments off and then tried placing them on the tree boughs.  

Today we went to church.  We sat in the balcony to avoid people with colds/coughs.  The message at church was good, but it was hard to concentrate since Will kept talking to me.  During Advent our church places quilts on the pews that will be donated.  If you sit in the balcony you don't get to sit with the quilts.  I wore my wool plaid skirt.  Today was so nice it seemed strange to be wearing a wool skirt.  The weather seemed more like spring than the beginning of December.

So far today I don't have a rash or feel itchy, so I wore my wig to church.  When I wear my wig it feels a little bit like it is just going to PoP off my head.  So far it never has just popped off my head.  It is just a very strange sensation.  

On Friday I called Oncology to tell them I am still breaking out in rashes and feeling itchy.  They didn't seem to think that I should be still having itchy rashes.  They didn't offer me any advice either.  Friday night I had a rash down my leg, on my foot and back.  Saturday night I had a rash on my back.  The nurse in Sioux City claims that it must be from my soap.  (I am using hypoallergenic baby wash and "free" laundry soap (recommended by dermatologists.)  Don't tell me it is from my soap.  I'm not exactly sure why I should have to suffer from itching and rashes.  I hope that I get some sort of relief.